McDermott Storge and My Mom

 Storge is one of the four loves that Lewis identifies in his book The Four Loves. He defines it as affection that typically comes from a parent to their children or other similar relationships. I think it’s a beautiful type of love in theory – but I’ve found that oftentimes when I receive storge from my own parents, it’s only beautiful in a tragic-esque way.

My mom and I have always had a very rocky relationship. I get my independence and stubbornness from her – good traits when mixed with certain types of people, and catastrophic ones when mixed with other types (like her). We have very differing views on almost everything in life, but since neither of us is the type to back down, most of our conversations turn into arguments and end in hurt feelings.


I know she loves me more than anything else in the world. She always wants what’s best for me (in her opinion, at least), but doesn’t know how to express that in a way that doesn’t come off as controlling. For example, we’ll go shopping together, and I’ll try on a dress I love and she’ll tell me that I look really ugly in it (verbatim). She doesn’t mean it in a mean way – she’s just trying to tell me it’s just not a flattering piece of clothing – but even consciously knowing that doesn’t prevent me from getting offended by the phrasing of the statement. 


I’ll tell her it was a mean thing to say and point out that our fashion senses are at two opposite ends of the spectrum (she believes in obnoxious buttons while I prefer hidden clasps), but she’ll stand her ground and keep calling me ugly in different, no less offensive ways until we either leave the store angry or I give in and let her have what she wants (she’s my mom, so I rarely win our spats). It hurts to constantly fight with her because I know that everything she’s saying only comes from a place of care. Her storge makes me feel suffocated and hurt sometimes – but, at the end of the day, it’s still love, and that makes me wonder if there are any remedies to make it a little less awful.

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